300 English jokes

目录
一、 爱情麻辣烫
1． Kiss in the Park/公园里的接吻
2． Propose/求婚
3． The Husband Has an Affair with Somebody/老公有外遇
4． The Third One/第三名
5． Think of the Good Side/想想好的一面
6． Which Woman?/哪一位女人?
7． Gains Can Not Make Up for the Losses/得不偿失
8． Who Is Right?/谁是对的?
9． Praise/称赞
10. Dying after Lying-in/产后去世
11. The Pig and the Cat/猪和猫
12. Pregnant/怀孕
13. A White Lie/善意的谎言
14. The Mistaken Husband/糊涂的丈夫
15. Don't Change the Subject/不要转移话题
16. The Husband's Annoyance/丈夫的苦恼
17. Jealousness/吃醋
18. The Perfectionist/完美主义者
19. Investigation Report/调查报告
20. A Good Way/驭妻良方
21. Outside Activities/外事活动
22. I Want Her to Go Nuts/我要让她发疯
23. A forgetful Husband/健忘的丈夫
24. Response/回应
25. Generous Husband/慷慨的老公
26. The Bridge of Madison County/廊桥遗梦
27. I'm His Second Wife/我就是他的第二个太太
28. The Horse Can Talk/马会说话
29. Do as You Do/以你为榜样
30. KISS/简短点儿,蠢货
31. Unfaithful/不忠实
32. Dating/约会
33. Why Don't You Leave Him?/你为什么不离开他呢?
34. She Is Left-handed/她是左撇子
35. Vice-president/副总裁
36. Cemetery/墓地
37. Contented Married Life/心满意足的婚姻生活
38. You're Not Going to Make It/你活不成了
39. Good Service/优质服务
40. A Long Hot Bath/好好洗个热水澡
41. Be Careful/要慎重
42. Fishy Trip/可疑的旅行
二、 生活百味堂
43. Only One Eye to Settle On/ 一眼看中
44. A Very Good Report/一篇很好的报道
45. Don't Let the Child Miss the Chance/别让孩子错过机会
46. No Excuse at All/没有理由
47. Congratulations/恭喜
48. Looking for a Companion/找个伴侣
49. Who Was More Polite ?/谁更有礼貌?
50. Wedding or Not?/是否结婚?
51. So Many Acquaintances/熟人太多
52. Chaude and Cold/热与冷
53. Secret for a Long Life/长寿秘决
54. Einstein's Overcoat/爱因斯坦的大衣
55. A Woman Who Fell/一位摔倒的女人
56. Because I'm a Gentleman/因为我是绅 士
57. Wouldn't You Know ?/你不是要知道吗?
58. Help/搭救
59. Broke My Neck/我的脖子被撞断了
60. My Wife Thinks So/我老婆这样认为
61. The Young Man at the Wheel/开车的小伙子
62. At the Supermarket/在超级市场
63. Take as a Memento/照相留念
64. Spent Their Honeymoon There/在那里度过蜜月
65. A Talk on the Phone/电话交谈
66. My Lawyer/我的律师
67. The Present/礼物
68. The Advantage of Noise/噪音的好处
69. The Mean Man's Invitation/吝啬鬼的邀请
70. Is This a Boy or a Girl?/这是个男孩还是个女孩?
71. Point of No Return/有去无回
72. Avant-garde/前卫
73. The Worst Day/最倒霉的一天
74. Disconcerting/尴尬
75. Thanks a Lot, Sergeant/多谢了,班长
76. A Man Who Said No/说“不”的男子
77. Woman Is Like the Little Finger/女人像小拇指
78. The Gate of Heaven/天堂门
79. The Birthday Present/生日礼物
80. On a Train/在火车上
81. Honesty/诚实
82. The Wrong Vice-president/搞错了的副总统
83. A Wonderful Computer Scale/奇妙的计算机秤
84. An Explanation of Being Late/迟到的理由
85. Perfect Match/绝配
86. He Was Insured/他已被投保
87. Raising the Ransom Money/筹集赎金
88. A Short Message on Christmas Eve/平安夜的短信
89. What Day of the Week Did He Go Away.?/星期几走的?
90. Where Do You Want These Blinds?/窗帘挂于何处?
91. Singing or Crack?/歌声还是爆裂声?
92. Old Friend Agreed to Help/老朋友同意帮助
93. A Free Ride/免费乘车
94. In Prison/蹲监狱
95. A Blonde Borrows/美女借钱
96. Shark Challenge/挑战鲨鱼
97. Big Man in a Small Town/小镇上的大人物
三、 家庭谐趣园
98. The Most Horrific Book/最恐怖的书
99. All I Do Is to Pay the Bill/我要做的一切就是付钱
100. What's the Matter with You?/你怎么啦?
101. The Long and Short of It/长短之说
102. You're What We Talked about/你就是我们谈论的对象
103. A Nickel and Two Dimes/五分镍币和两个一角的银币
104. A Rule/规矩
105. The Difference of Parents/父母有别
106. A Girl Just like Mother/一 个像母亲一样的女孩
107. Get a Job/找个工作
108. Do You Know What That Sound Means ?你们知道那声音意味着什么吗?
109. The Russian Baby/俄国婴儿
110. Receive a Lashing/承认就要挨打
111. A Letter to Son/给儿子的信
112. Expectant Father/准爸爸
四、 童趣百分百
113. Fish and Chicken/鱼与鸡
114. Doll/洋娃娃
115. Who Should the Present Be Given?/礼物该给谁?
116. He Won/他赢了
117. A Fall/摔倒
118. On the Telephone/打电话
119. The Fat Girl's Jealousy/胖女孩的妒忌
120. Afraid of the Dark/害怕黑暗
121. Should Be a Politician/应该从政
122. Oh,I See/噢,我明白了
123. Who Is the Laziest ?/谁最懒?
124. Learning to Share/学会共同分享
125. Studying Environment/学习环境
126. Who Did You Have in Mind?/谁是你的意中人呢?
127. Slower Is Better/慢点好
128. A Bad Impression/糟糕的印象
129. Where It Should Be Plugged/插在何处
130. That's Because It's Empty/那是因为它是空的
131. Boy, oh Boy/让人无奈的孩子
132. Stunning Reply/出色的回答
133. The New Baby/新生婴儿
134. Shade in the Street/大街上的阴凉处
135. Twelve Ducks/十二只鸭子
136. It's Too Bad You Don't Know/真糟糕,你竟然不知道
137. Only One Cake Left/只剩一块了
138. A Holiday from School/休假
139. Why Don't You Buy a Watch?/为什么不买块手表呢?
140. She's on the Roof/她在房顶上
141. The Watermelon Patch/西瓜地
五、 校园怪味豆
142. It Must Be Unusual/它一定不寻常
143. I Don't Know/我不知道
144. The Answer/答案
145. When Was Rome Built?/罗马是什么时候建成的?
146. The Teacher's Notation/老师的批语
147. The Longest and the Shortest/最长的和最短的
148. Half or Five Tenths/半个还是十分之五
149. The Best Explanation/最好的解释
150. The Oldest Musical Instrument/最古老的乐器
151. A Funny Dialogue/搞笑对话
152. Patriotism/爱国主义
153. Against Expectation/意外
154. Waiting for My Secretary/在等我的秘书
155. Where b Your Picture?/你的画呢?
156. What Are Left Behind?/还剩下什么?
157. Two Birds/两只鸟
158. The Most Beautiful Thing/最美的东西
159. Actual Age/实际年龄
160. Nest and Hair/鸟窝与头发
161. Be Late/迟到
162. A History Lesson/ 节历史课
163. A Tough Teacher/强悍的教师
164. All except the Music/除了音乐
165. Guess the Animal/猜动物
166. But the Teacher Did/可是老师哭了
167. The Importance of Punctuation/标点符号的重要性
168. Day after Day/日复一日
169. Three Days to Live/只能再活三天
170. Civil Rights/公民权
171. The Teacher's Pest/老师的调皮生
172. Class, Lass and Ass/班级、情人和蠢驴
173. A Midshipman/海军军官候补生
174. Lawyer's “Speak”/律师的“说辞”
175. Who Cheated?/谁作弊了?
176. Lip Prints/唇印
177. Just Helpless/无可救药
178. Keys or Kiss?/钥匙还是接吻?
179. I'll See You Monday/星期一见
180. Do You Know WhoI Am?/你认识我吗?
181. Homework/家庭作业
182. Overweight/超重
六、 主顾PK秀
183． Just a Minute/请稍等
184． Answer According to the Facts/如实回答
185． That Would Be Much Worse/可能更糟
186． How Did You Ever Get Here?/你是怎样到达这儿的?
187． But I Am Satisfied with That/但是我非常满意
188． A New Employee/新雇员
189． I Can't Raise It Any Longer/再也养不起它了
190. Every Year/每年
191． Today It Is Worse/今天更糟糕
192． It Depends/视情况而定
193. Turn Left/向左转
194. One Hundred Times/抄写100遍
195. You're Fired/你被炒鱿鱼了
196. Being Shocked/相当震惊
197. I Want to Get Out/我要出去
198. Pink Suit Sale/粉红套装售出
199. An Arithmetic Problem/一个算术问题
200. A Creative Defense/独创的辩护
201. Appreciation/升值
202. The Legs Will Fall Off/桌腿会掉下来
203. A Hasty Interruption/匆忙打断
204. The Cat and the Saucer/猫与托盘
205. A Natural Process/自然过程
206. What's Your Name?/你叫什么名字?
207. An Advertisement/一则广告
208. Ways and Means/花招
七、 医患碰碰车
209. Bones/骨头
210. Where Is It?/在哪儿?
211. Very Common/相当正常
212. I Think That I'm a Chicken/我认为我是一只鸡
213. A New Problem/新问题
214. Home, Sweet Home/还是家里好
215. Just Loosen/仅松动一点
216. You're Smarter/你变聪明了
217. Vasectomy/结扎
218. Dose It Hurt Very Much?/你的牙很疼吗?
219. DifficultteGiveUp/难以割舍
220. The Bait/诱饵
221. The Doctor Lives Downstairs/医生住在楼下
222. A Bad Memory/健忘
223. Cut the Legs off the Bed/把床腿锯掉
224. What's the Good News?/好消息是什么?
225. I Drop My Weight from Skipping/我用跳来减肥
226. Illegible Writing/无法辨认的字迹
227. He Lowered Her Chair Six Inches/他把她的椅子降低了6英寸
228. Only Started Practice Yesterday/昨天才开业
229. 80-year-old/八十岁
230. A Bad Doctor/庸医
231. I'm That Man's Tailor/我就是那人的裁缝师
232. Mental Deficiency/智力缺陷
233. We'll Work on Your Hearing/下一步就治你的听力
234. Loud, Mad and Sad/又吵又疯又悲伤
八、 动物大世界
235. The Importance of a Foreign Language/外语的重要性
236. Does the Dog Know the Proverb?/狗知道这条谚语吗?
237. Giving Presents/送礼
238. Cow on Train Tracks/铁轨上的母牛
239. Three very Tough Mice/三只强壮的老鼠
240. Golfer/高尔夫球手
241. Mosquitoes with Lanterns/提着灯笼的蚊子
242. I Must Marry Him/我一定要嫁给他
243. The Complaining of a Hen and a Cow/鸡和牛的抱怨
244. Frog's Dream/青蛙的梦想
245. A CleverDog/聪明的狗
246. He Couldn't Swim the Atlantic/它游不过大西洋
247. Dancing Duck/会跳舞的鸭
九、 脑筋急转弯
248. When Do People Talk Least?/人什么时候说话最少?
248. Why did the Lady Liberty Hold a Torch?为什么自由女神要高举火炬?
250. The Best Answer/最佳答案
251. It Is an Oak Tree/这是一棵橡树
252. American Dream/美国梦
十、 宗教小布丁
253. In a Second/过一秒钟
254. Adam's Suit/亚当的衣服
255. Talking to Heaven/天堂通话
256. What's His Number?/他的电话号码是多少?
257. Hit Him Again/再砸他一次
258. Bat Problem/蝙蝠问题
259. The Story of a Young Cleric/年轻牧师的经历
260. I Have Faith in the Lord/我相信上帝
261. AProspective Horse Buyer/欲买马之人
262. Heaven and Hell/天国与地狱
263. The Proper Behavior/举止得体
十一、 幽默大杂烩
264. A Foolish Police Officer/愚蠢的警官
265. I Wish It Were Blood/但愿是血
266. I Did Not/我没有那样说
267. Seventeen/十七
268. Regret/遗憾
269. The One in the Middle/要中间的那个
270. Two Clever Guys/两个聪明的家伙
271. Must Be Enraged to Crazy/一定会被气疯的
272. Bad Drivers/糟糕的司机
273. Drunk/醉酒
274. Can You Run Faster Than the Tiger?/你能跑得比老虎还快吗?
275. The Leading Lady Is Crazy/女主角发疯
276. Ali's Well That Ends Well/结局好的就是好
277. That's a Lift/这是电梯
278. Go after Number 21/紧盯21号
279. We Have Caught Three of Them/我们已经抓住了三个
280. The Perfect Solution/完美解决之道
281. More Light/光线充足
282. An Exact Number/准确数字
283. Sky-diving Competition/跳伞比赛
284. A Rookie/初出茅庐
285. A Funeral Oration/悼词
286. A PlacetoSleep in/一个睡的地方
287. This Hole in the Ground/地坑
288. German Visit/德国之行
289. Why?/为什么?
290. You Are the Fifth/你是第五条(鱼)
十二、 吹牛免税区
291. A Branch Office/子公司
292. A Beat-upCar/破车
293. Whose Dog Is Smarter?/谁的狗更聪明?
294. There Flies a Dead Duck/飞走的死鸭
295. What a Big Beach/多么大的海滩
296. Whose Father Was the Stronger?/谁的老爸更强壮?
297. I Can't SellIt/我不卖
298. Boasting/吹牛
299. Surgeons/外科医生
300. Two Farmers/两个农夫
附: 用幽默法为词语下定义
1． Part One/第一部分
2． Part Two/第二部分
3． Part Three/第三部分
4． Part Four/第四部分